as with all times, im sitting here by my desk, typing this silly little thing out whilst neglecting my work. but heck, there's better things in life than that. we should all learn that..

i have not any idea whether what i am going to say will make any sense to anyone but me. neither do i know whether anyone will think weirdly of what i am going to write. just read on if you wish, otherwise, just leave it alone and hurry along with what other more important stuff you have to complete.

anyway, i read k's blog, and her beautiful words just inspired me so. inspired me to do what, im not so sure yet. but the way her description brought life to her words, the way her words brought feeling to the passage, ah, i can never mimic that. try as i may, try as i might, the words dont seem to flow so nicely out of me. i've never been one who's sure of how she's feeling and i doubt i will ever be. to me however, k seems to know how shes feeling, seems to understand herself and she seems to know whats lacking in her life or what part of her life she wants more of. things i find difficult to simply just put into words, she can explain for me.. i dont have to explain much when i speak to her. most seems understood! haha. and for all anyone knows, im glad shes here, and im here.

cheerios.
cheerios to life. cheerios to all the trouble we take to make sense of life. cheerios to the amounts of joy we experience in the process. cheerios to all the suffering that make the happiness seem oh, so much better. cheerios to you and me for enduring, for pressing on..

i was at e saint alumni art competition exhibition last night. and my godpa asked me which was my favourite piece. i considered two. both werent exactly paintings. i cant describe properly. haha. but i shall attempt to. the first was like a giant hollow wood cylinder you can walk into. painted white outside, the artist used acrylic paint to paint pretty pinkish red roses on the inside. it was a really pretty piece. the other, was a longish art piece. like just several many a3 sized paper pasted adjacent to the next piece. i liked this better. the artist used words, swirly wirly words to describe her feelings. these words were accompanied by just tiny paintings.. drawings.. and together these words and drawings made up the art piece. told godpa i preferred the second one and he pointed to the 1st, asking me why i didnt choose that. i said that its cos i liked the way the second artist used words to complement her drawings and to express her thoughts. so subtle but so impactful!

i tried to follow my dad's advice, and to put it all behind me. it doesnt really matter how we do it now. no it doesnt. its the end result that counts. its not easy. i cant just ignore. but i will try. to put things aside. not to let them bother me. with certain people, i feel additionally pressured. with others, not so. how i wish i felt the same way with everyone. i dont want to let anything come between my friendships. im trying. im trying. but maybe its just me, i let my emotions, feelings and thoughts take control, allow them to affect my choices, my state of mind and eventually the things i say. making myself seem unappreciative. cold. insensitive. and in actuality, i may just be building a stonewall around myself, distancing myself away from the very people i try to get closer to..

but as im trying, dont mistake me. listen to my plea, im not angry all the times youve all thought i was. its merely frustration/irritation, fuelled by your "dont angrys", as ironic as it may seem. i may not show it in the conventional way, but many times i think i voice my disappointment in the ways you'd least expect anyone to.

ahh life. why is it that we all crave to be understood? we too try to understand others, but can we really accomplish that?

i'll try..